- Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards:
- Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs",
what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?
- There are three religious truths:
- Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
- Protestants do not recognize the Pope as
the leader of the Christian faith.
- Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or at Hooters
- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?
- If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
- Why do we say something is out of whack? What's
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- When someone asks you, "A penny for your
thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other
- Why is the man who invests all your money called
- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to begin with?
- When cheese gets its picture taken, what does
- Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
- Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
- "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence
in the English language.
- Could it be that "I do" is the longest
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?
- Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?
- I was thinking about how people seem to read
the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're
cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just
put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
- If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
- You never really learn to swear until you learn
- No one ever says, "It's only a game"
when their team is winning.
- Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
be if it didn't zigzag?
- Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
The mime next door went nuts.
- If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her
- Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
- If a bus station is where a bus stops and a
train station is where a train stops, on my desk I have a work station . .
- If pro is the opposite of con, then is Progress
the opposite of Congress?
- It is not always easy to tell the difference
between thinking and looking out the window. ~Wallace Stevens
- I'm not a member of any organized political
party. I'm a democrat. ~Will Rogers
- Men are like wine. They all start out like grapes.
It's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature
into something you'd like to have dinner with. ~Unknown
- Stupidity got us into this mess; stupidity ought
to be able to get us out of it. ~Will Rogers
- If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will
be fired with enthusiasm. ~Vince Lombardi
- Why is it that we park on driveways and drive
on parkways ?